is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
