I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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