I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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