I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize