Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
