He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
