I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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