I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I am in a vortex of obligation.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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