Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I need a beard to bite.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
