You made me cry and you don't even care
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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