Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
