it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You made out with two different species that night
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
