WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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