why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
