Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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