Just fell off a train. Bad.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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