oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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