I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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