It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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