my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
