I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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