Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
