Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
