she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
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He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
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After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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