im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
