dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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