I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
