I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
