dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Barsexuality is the new black.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
