But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
