she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
