I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
