I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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