; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
