I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
