I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
