I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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