Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
