fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
