In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
