We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
