dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
