I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
