Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
