I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
