smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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