just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
