ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
