I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We have so much sex to catch up on
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
