I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
