You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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