i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
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The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
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you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
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