I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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