You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
