I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
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Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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