I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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