He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
