its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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