He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
