he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
