I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
