I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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