how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
