I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
