This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
