I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
