I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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