His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
