I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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