4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
