OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
its liver damage thursday
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
