I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
