it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
