Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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