Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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