She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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