it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Randomize
