Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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