I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
