I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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