I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
