Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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