sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
