So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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