yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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