dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
