i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
