I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
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So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
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I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
soo... how was my night?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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