....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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